"In life, there are only two things to worry about, either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick, you have two things to worry about; either you will live, or you will die. If you live, there is nothing to worry about, if you die, you have two things to worry about; either you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with your friends, you won't have time to worry!"
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
A passerby watched two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. "Tell me," said the passerby, "What on earth are you doing?" "Well," said the digger," Usually there are three of us. I dig, Paddy plants the tree and Mick fills in the hole. Today Paddy is off ill, but that doesn't mean Mick and I have to take the day off, does it?"
May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. And rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
May you live as long as you want, And never want as long as you live.
Always remember to forget The things that made you sad. But never forget to remember The things that made you glad.
Always remember to forget The friends that proved untrue. But never forget to remember Those that have stuck by you.
Always remember to forget The troubles that passed away. But never forget to remember The blessings that come each day.
May the saddest day of your future be no worse Than the happiest day of your past.
May the roof above us never fall in. And may the friends gathered below it never fall out.
May you have warm words on a cold evening, A full moon on a dark night, And the road downhill all the way to your door.
May there be a generation of children On the children of your children.
May you live to be a hundred years, With one extra year to repent!
May the Lord keep you in His hand And never close His fist too tight.
May your neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you, And heaven accept you.
May the Irish hills caress you. May her lakes and rivers bless you. May the luck of the Irish enfold you. May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.
May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light, May good luck pursue you each morning and night.
Walls for the wind, And a roof for the rain, And drinks beside the fire. Laughter to cheer you And those you love near you, And all that your heart may desire!
May God be with you and bless you, May you see your children's children, May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happiness From this day forward.
May God grant you many years to live, For sure He must be knowing The earth has angels all too few And heaven is overflowing.
May peace and plenty be the first To lift the latch to your door, And happiness be guided to your home By the candle of Christmas.
May you always have work for your hands to do. your pockets hold always a coin or two. May the sun shine bright on your windowpane. May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you. And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
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