The Sitz Bath

Back yonder about thirty or more years ago, old cowboy suffered from an embarrassment common to most folks who sit in the saddle or camp on the ground too much.

I might add it is one also common to you ladies who have had the privilege of bearing children they tell me; but having never given birth, I have no real knowledge of that to be a fact.

Well to get on with the story, old cowboy high-tailed it into the doctor's office; and after a "probing" examination it was determined that this smart young doctor should get out his knife and do a little whittling...

The next day found the cowboy in a kneeling position on a padded shelf at the end of an operating table in a small regional hospital in a jerk-water Oklahoma town. Much to his chagrin he was exposed in the rear with a mixed group of doctors and nurses standing around looking at parts better left unseen.

Seeing as how he was more than just a little bit scared of the gleam in that doctor's eyes, and all them sharp tools laying around; and already being in a kneeling position, old cowboy thought this might just be a good time to pray...

The next thing old cowboy knew he was waking up in his hospital bed; with a pain in the neither region, and what to him felt like a very large cork in the wrong place.

Things were allowed to continue until the next day, when it was revealed to the cowboy the "cork" was a large roll of surgical packing inserted to control bleeding and the time had come for its removal! Ouch..........

Now the real ordeal was just begining... The nurses insisted that old cowboy needed to go to the pot; but like a petulant child old cowboy's behind knew better than that!

The particular part of old cowboy, the one that had just been whittled on, knew better than open it's self up to more pain. So it just shut it's self down and refused to move.

Well, those nurses figured nature would take its course; so they kept on feeding meals to the old cowboy, and giving him mineral oil in his juice. They had no idea how stubborn that particular part of cowboy could be...

But on the third day it had become a major problem; and it was suggested that a good old hot sitz bath might just make old cowboy's ailing part feel a might bit better.

It sounded like a good idea, so old cowboy agreed with the program and the nurse went down the hall to draw him a bath; but not before giving him another big dose of that mineral oil.

It was only a short walk down the hall and around the corner to what them nurses called "hydro-therapy" and old cowboy walked meekly along with the nurse having no idea the trap had been laid.

She brought him into a room where there was a very large whirlpool bath. The water was hot and soapy, and cowboy had to be assisted up the steps and down into the tub, never noticing the gleam in that nurse's eye.

But once he was in the water up to his thighs he had to strain in order to sit down, and the trap sprung!

Three days rations, all backed up at the dock, several glasses of mineral oil, and the moment that hot soapy water hit his injured parts, everything went south...

Cowboy just wanted to cry; there he sat in a swirling hot bath with a floating mess of his own ...... And the nurse was just smiling and tut-tuting around, saying not to worry cowboy, I have another bath ready next door, just stand up and let me hose you off.

While you go next door and bathe I will clean up all this mess...

Now old cowboy has kept that secret for the past thirty odd years; and his only reason for sharing it with you is by way of offering this word of advice.

If you ever find yourself one of these days suffering with that same malady, and you doctor looks at you with a gleam in his eye and suggests a little whittling..... RUN!!! If them little puppies get too long, then my suggestion to you is tie them in a bow, but what ever you do, never find yourself kneeling face down in that operating room. And if per chance you do, then make sure you stay away from them sitz baths...

© 2003/2010 ~ David L. Griffith

"This true tale is spun for you by the cowboy night writer!!!"

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