Just Another Loser

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"Sunny Shores" © Danny Hahlbohm, used with permission

I'm Just Another Loser

Once again I am the victim of my own loneliness as I reach out trying to escape from the hauntings of my injured spirit, so strong within my soul, my passions of desires have continued to burn, although my mind knows I've lost yet once again.... To me it seemed our souls were alike, I thought we both shared the loneliness, the needs to find a true and lasting love. It seemed we were both willing once again to risk our hearts!

Once again I opened the gates to my fortress, allowing your entrance to the softness of my soul, you rekindled my fires again and I was more than willing to reach out to that calling voice. Although I was fearful, my needs, my desires, allowed me once again to hope... I followed that age old pattern of wishing to again be somewhere, with someone, a part of another person's life in a place far from here...

Day after day I began to feel relaxed as the icon pop'd up to tell me you were on line once more. Then as time passed I saw you less and less. My email began to return, "the following address had transient fatal errors," "client mailbox too full," "unknown client this data base." The Instant Messenger has stopped announcing your smiling presence, ICQ never chimes. Although I continued to hold to that precious hope, in my mind I know, now it only adds to that pain of loneliness once again, it brings back all the sad memories. Will I never again be somewhere, with someone, a part of another person's life in a place far from here...

But for that moment I was happy and began to dream; we chatted, we exchanged email, I wished, I was alive. Now this is the punishment I will eternally suffer for you, like others, have joined the painful memories in my past. But I can not stop, for that way leads to death of the spirit within me, I will continue to come on line day after day, I will always hunt for that special person out there in that large world at the other side of my monitor, praying my keyboard will connect with your heart, hoping, praying, wanting... wishing to once again be somewhere, with that special someone, a part of another person's life in a place far from here...

~ Dave ~

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